Posted on May 29th, 2008 by admin

How far do you go for non-friends, just acquaintances, who make demands? You go as far as you can without splattering. The little stuff you do because it’s no trouble and helping people is basic mouseburger. When the requests get federal, you stop. Sometimes you can’t tell what they’re up to. At the Private World of Leslie Blanchard where I get my hair colored every six weeks (we have no idea what color my hair is, nobody has seen it for years), my darling shampoo girl said to me one day, “You look so tired, Ms. Brown; I want to tell you about my church.” She then described the Seventh-Day Adventists, with whom she said I could “lay down some of your burdens and find peace and renewal.” Sweet. I said, Thank you, Celia, but probably not.

Six weeks later . . . “Ms. Brown, you have so many responsibilities, so many people asking you to do things, my church would be a sanctuary for you.” I am quite touched but no again. The next visit Celia tells me what religion means to her, again what it would mean to me, says the church is having a special seven-day program to which visitors are invited . . . would I not like to stop by for an hour? One little hour, how can I refuse? But I am very busy and a genius refuser. “Celia,” I said, “if I should ever feel the need for your religion, I will tell you and we will visit your church together, but not just now, I think.” Aha! Comes now the truth! “Ms. Brown, if you were to come to my church and be converted and tell everyone, it would mean so much, whereas if I, a simple shampoo girl, tell people the miracle of the church, it doesn’t mean a thing.”
Had! Me tool, she carpenter! The pitch was never for my salvation but for the church’s vitality.

I tell her then that I am an atheist, which is true, only let’s not go into that. You have to say no to people who take pieces or there is nothing left (and forget thinking that church might have done me some good!). There is so much you can do that is appropriate, that takes guts and energy on your part without getting shnockered (my friend Lester Linsk’s useful word).
Use some sense. A friend recently asked to move a camera crew into Cosmo’s lobby to get a shot for a movie—Cosmo wouldn’t be mentioned. I said no. It would have tied up the office all day with the staff falling over cameras.

Another friend, highly successful in advertising, wants to meet my agent friend Sue Mengers, feels Sue might be interested in her women’s group. Knowing Sue, I think not, but tell advertising friend to write me a letter describing the group, her wish to meet Sue, and I will send the letter along. Advertising friend irked that I will not simply call Sue and get the appointment. Well, Sue sees almost nobody outside her own world. If I did much requesting, she would stop taking my phone calls. On the other hand, Sue has never said the first encouraging word to one of her clients about letting Cosmo do a profile (movie stars are hard to get and we need help). “If they didn’t like what you wrote, I’d be dead,” she says. I understand. When you can, you do, when you can’t, you don’t.

Tags: Friendship, How far do you go for non-friends