Posted on September 7th, 2008 by admin

A man I know visits his long-ago-divorced wife two or three times a year because (1) she is pitiable; (2) he is kind; (3) his children implore him “not to forget Mama.” He has been married twice since that marriage and is happy with his present wife. During his visit, the first wife keeps a handkerchief in her bra which comes out fairly soon after the visit begins because she will start to cry. This handkerchief-sequestering and subsequent crying during visits have been going on for about fifteen years now. Couldn’t they somehow have a calm, friendly visit without tears? he asks her . . . could she possibly get herself not to cry? No, she says, she couldn’t get herself not to cry. Something is obviously wrong with the lady. She decided long ago not to grow up, to continue to have “tantrums.” Her sadness is deep and primordial and apparently as important to her as oxygen. It’s also a way of punishing the man who left her, only he is not a good punishee any longer; she doesn’t make him guilty, only sad.

Another divorced friend was harangued by his wife when they split with cries of “Your sons are going to grow up homosexual if you leave!” (She knew how to get at him.) Also, “You cannot bring my sons into the presence of that whore!” (the man’s girlfriend—perfectly nice lady). Five years later, she has custody of the children; the man takes his boys to dinner three times a week no matter what else is going on in his life, but his wife has never forgiven his leaving her or ceased to make flogging him her principal raison d’être.

Crazy ladies, right? You wouldn’t be one of them for all the mink in Maximilian’s—right!—but having chatted with both these men recently, I decided to ask myself the other night (here it comes—this is a biggie’)